Tag Archives: joke

Jaanlewa Jaanu- VI

31 Jul

With actually no topic in mind, I start with my favorite topic, the Jaanlewa Jaanu. This one is the most appreciated and the most read post series on this blog.

So, this time the jaanu is in a mall with the guy to shop for a bag (that’s what she is looking for). Let’s see how it turns out!

Boy: Baby… we have been roaming for the last 35 minutes and we have not entered even a single bag shop.

Girl: I know… I was thinking to get these foot wears… aren’t they pretty?” She asked without looking at him.

Boy: “If you like them, they are definitely good. ” He said with a smiling face. (I know cheap line).

The girl bought that footwear. The boy was quite sure that now she would enter the bag showroom, but to his despair, there were Biba and UCB in the way to Caprese. So, the girl enetred Biba. (You see… absolutely not her fault, she is a girl, so she will shop, the person with her is a boy so he will pay).

Girl: Look… how pretty this dress is. You think I should try this?

And before the boy could exercise his right to speech and expression, the salesperson came and spilled “Oh sure… Ma’am the fresh summer collection is here. You will absolutely fall for the new designs. Let me help you.”

The boy now knew that his lady love is gone with the salesman. He knew that he would not see her for almost two hours now. He knew that she would be trying every new dress that she could grab on and ask for the salesperson’s advice rather than his. And knowing all this he was happy.

As he turned his mobile data, to check out the world happenings on watsapp and other social networks, his phone pinged. One after the other messages were coming from his love, showing him dresses that she had selected. He zoomed the dresses to see if the price tag was visible. But the girl seemed to be a clever photographer. He was thinking of calling his boss and applying for a loan as it seemed that whole of his salary would be spent in the next some hours or so.

There was a time when he eagerly used to wait for Sundays and now is the time, when he has to meet his girlfriend on Sunday and sometimes has to lie that he is working on Sundays too.

He was deep engrossed in his thoughts while at the same time looking at his Facebook wall aimlessly. He was just going to comment on his best friend’s vacation photo when his phone rang. He looked at his watch. It was 7 p.m. One hour had gone by. “Good time passes fast.” He thought. He picked up the call.

“Where are you?” A commanded voice asked him.

“In Biba only… you were trying the clothes na… so I just…”

“Come fast to the cash counter.” She said and put off the phone immediately.

He started walking with heavy feet and came close to the counter. He saw two more men like him who very having the same expressions of despair on their faces which were being completely ignored by their girls.

He pulled out his wallet and gave his Maestro  Card. The girl came out happy and the boy came out with a little less balance in his bank account.  Money can’t but love, but it can surely make lover, a beggar.

“So… now?” He asked.

“Now… we will eat something and go to home.”

“But… your bag? No need now?”

“How can there be no need… I just changed  my mind at not buying them now. I am too tired now.

(I wish she changes her mind and does not replace it with anything.) He thought.

After that, they went for the dinner in the Mall’s Food Court and heeded home afterwards. After the shopping, the girl was exhausted and the boy was extorted. 😛

funny-picture-when-women-go-shopping

 

Jaanlewa Jaanu- V

21 Oct

So, Diwali is here. The festival of lights, festival of prayers, festival of holidays and above all the festival to shop. Shop endlessly, non- sensibly, extravagantly and if you are in a relationship (and a girl), shopping without spending even a penny of your own.

Now, its been quite sometime when we met the Jaanlewa Jaanu. And it is a fact that I might forget her but there are some characters and  families that occasionally come to meet me.

So, this time I spotted her at the market. Two days before the festival. Ultimate rush in the streets, shops and even the pavements were crowded with people loaded with ten bags in each hand on an average. People were shopping as if the market is going down and it will not see the light of the next day.

So, I was talking about our girl. She was shopping with a boy standing beside her, holding almost 7-8 bags in both his hands and without giving a damn to that fact, concentrating on the girl’s voice who was asking.

“What do you think would look better. Green or pink?” She asked holding the two identical shirts with different colours.

“Madam… we have almost all the colours for this shirt…” and he took out a pile from one side  and showcased different colours of that shirt and made a pile of those shirts on the other side. The girl very patiently held all the shirts and asked the boy about each and every shirt.

“How would this look on me?”

“Jaan everything looks fine on you… take any..”

“Just fine? And what do you mean by any?”

“I… i mean… you just increase the value of everything that gets attached to you… like me..” he said smiling while trying to control the situation.

“Oh… well… how is this grey one?” She said while looking intensely at the shirt.

“Umm.. ya it’s fantastic.”

“No… i have 3 shirts of this colour.” She took the black one.

“And how would this be?”

“I guess.. ya… it’s.. you would look amazing… and you should take it as you don’t have this colour.”

As soon as he finished the last line, he found the girl looking or rather gazing at him as if he had committed some crime.

“How could you forget? You gifted me a black colour shirt on our ‘The day we first talked anniversay’ I still remember that on the first hand you had forgotten the very important day itself and now you don’t remember what you gifted me for make up for that forgetfulness. I think you just don’t find me that important to be remembered.”

“Aah… that anniversary…” He said in nostalgia.

“Huh… I am the only one to remember everything… ‘the day we met anniversary’, the day we first talked anniversary’, the day you took me out for a walk anniversary’ and i am damn sure that you don’t remember the ‘ the day my sandal broke and you got it mended anniversary’.”

“There is that date too?” He thought.  But to avoid further embarrassment in front of the shopkeeper and other people around he said:

“Well i suggested black… because I think you look too good in black.”

“Huh… why are you always so concerned about me being looking good? What if tomorrow i don’t look good? Why is it all about my body to you?”

“My girl… its not… but you only asked ‘how would this look on me’… So… I was just suggesting…”

“Okay… well do you have any other designs in the shirt? She asked while discarding all the effort of the shopkeeper to please this girl. But he had to do his job. So he untied a pile of clothes and showcased her the so- called ‘New Arrival’.

“Hmm… well… i am just saying… but i am holding these 7 bags for the last 15 minutes… can you choose a bit fast? The boy asked in a perplexed tone.

“Why? You are tired already?  I have not even started the shopping yet.. I have to get decorations, sweets and some cosmetics and most importantly a present for…”

“For me?” The boy interrupted in excitement.

“No… for the house maid…” She said while looking at another purple colour shirt.

“Ya.. she is important.” The boy thought.

But with this last scene… I could not resist my laughter. The boy turned towards me but the girl was so lost in the shirt. The boy gave me a ‘jaisi bhi hai, jo bhi hai… meri jaanu hai ye’ look… in simple words… gave my an angry birds look.

imagesI, who had entered the shop just to get this instance to narrate to you, had gone alone for shopping and bought things that i really didn’t needed. (Yes!I don’t need a jaanu to take me to shopping, but i will consider someone to carry the bags :P)

So, this is all for this time… Happy Diwali to everybody. Have a safe and prosperous year ahead and never ever miss any episode of your HSI blogger’s series :p

The ‘Dumb’ Phone

5 Oct

In this new era of smartphones, its quite disheartening to see people going dumb. No… seriously… in earlier days.. we used to remember so many phone numbers, our retaining power was good. And now we don’t remember our own phone numbers. We can reach the world with internet connection, but without that, the phone seems to be the most useless possession. Okay… I am not in the mood of furnishing gyaan to you… but would just like to share as to how the actually smart people think of these so- called ‘smartphones’.

The post is about my mother’s first ever phone. Moto E! We paid a rupee more for the phone when it was delivered through Flipkart. The price to be paid was Rs. 6999, but we had the bad luck of not having the change and the other party never has the change. Now, that you know the name of the phone… browse about it yourself… this is not a tech- based site to provide you the info of this phone.

The story starts with the receiving of the phone. My mom was quite excited as well as nervous on the issue of handling it. Within one hour, we downloaded watsapp, Facebook, two or three games and some other apps. Our work was done. An hour later, a ping appeared on the phone. It was one Watsapp message.

“Oh… how to open it?” My mom asked.

“Put your thumb on the top of the screen and pull it down.”

She tried… she would not just rest the thumb there … just touch it and leave.

“You have to keep the thumb there for a second.” I explained.

I though that it is touch screen.”

“Yeah it is…”

“Ok…” she said in a disappointed tone, and ended the struggle of opening the message.

“Oh… it’s your aunt… this is an image of ‘Good Morning’… Good morning? Why would she do that?”

“She just… greeted you… you should send back a message.” I suggested.

“Why?? We don’t greet each other… We never have… what’s the use of starting such a practice now?” She asked in a confused tone.

“Ask her…” I answered in an irritated tone.

“Ok… how to call?”

“Don’t call her… use the same thing… message her on WatsApp.”

“How?” She asked again.

“Put your thumb here…” I indicated at the reply box.

“Now see that you have the letters to type… touch the letter that you want to type.”

She tries and wrote ‘HOW ARE YOU?’ in almost 5 minutes.

“Now how to send it?” She enquired.

“Like a very patient teacher, I told, ” Just tap on the arrow that you see in the right.”

And as an obedient learner, she did as instructed.

“Now?”

Seemed like ‘Now’ and ‘How’ were the words of that day.

“”It’s sent…”

“Sent? So fast?? Must be costly?”

“It’s almost free.. mom..”

“Nothing is for free… tell me how much balance is left in the phone?”

“Mom… see… we have wi- fi connection… so it’s all through net… and we have unlimited net pack… so even if you message the whole day… it will cost you not a single penny.”

“Oh… if that be the case.. I can also send a ‘Good Morning’ but I don’t have such beautiful images in my phone like your aunt sent.”

“We can download them.” I suggested.

“Huh… this phone has nothing… now we download them… and they would instantly charge money.”

“No mom… that also we will do through net.”

“Everything in this phone is through net?”

“Ya kind of… oh… you can call… but that is without net… as in like any other phone…”

“Such a dumb phone..!!” She exclaimed.

“Why?” I asked in surprise.

“It is nothing without internet. I mean N1100 is better than this… at least it’s body can be used effectively to kill a roadside romeo… and it has less features… but at least independent…”

I smiled and went into the kitchen as my mom had started browsing the internet and I had no patience left to take another class on that ‘dumb phone’. But… I guess there would be more posts on the issue as there are many things which my mother has to learn from the phone and you have to learn from my mother. 😛 🙂

 

images

 

Second Saturday!!

10 May

Hi… fellas… So… this happened… every word that follows actually happened… (not today although)… tragic for me… par aap maze lo…

So, on a fateful Thursday I planned to visit court. I asked one of my friends from law school to accompany me (timepass) and she agreed. We decided to go to Tees Hazari Court. I was very excited, as in Tees Hazari, many matrimonial (masala) cases come up for hearing. The court opens at 10 a.m., and we decided to meet at the court at ten only. The dedication, the excitement and the expectations ( of getting to hear gossip cases) was high.

On Saturday, I woke up at 8, got ready by 9 and boarded the Metro to Tees Hazari at almost 9:15. By 9:55, I reached the desired Metro Station. I called up my friend to know her whereabouts. She told that she would reach in a minute or so. After she came, we went outside the station and suddenly something stuck her… “Aaj to second Saturday hai…” the thing didn’t stuck me or maybe it had, but the disbelief caused me to ask

“So…?”

“Dude… its second Saturday… courts are closed…”

“Why?”

“Because its second Saturday..”

“Why?”

“See… this all started when man started designating a particular day… they settled for seven days in a week and then…”

“Ohkay… got it… I got it that we came to the court to hear the proceedings and it’s closed… what the f…”

I became quite angry, and then sad, and then kind of depressed and then I suddenly laughed.

I laughed for almost 320 seconds. My friend knew about my “once started, never ending” way of laughter. I was laughing really hard standing on the pavement outside the court and my friend was standing beside me, giving a look to the world that said, “Dude… I am waiting for the bus… I don’t know her”.

After I stopped or rather the passerby’s look forced me to. I asked,

“So.. what do we do??”

“March home..”

“I am not in a mood to go home. I had announced so proudly about today’s plans and when they would come to know that this happened, they all would first burst out into laughter and would always bring that up in front of everybody.

“So… what should we do? Oh.. there is a cool mall in NSP… why don’t we go there..” She suggested.

“Have you been there earlier?” I asked.

“Na.. but one of my friends has… ans she said that’s really good.”

I had no other options. And as they say, beggars cannot be choosers. So, we boarded the Metro and reached NSP in some other 30 minutes. We de-boarded, and went to a mall which was seeming to be nearest the Metro Station.

“Are you sure this is it??

“Ya… I can’t see any other mall here…”

“Okay…”. We reached there. At the entrance, the guard told us that the mall shall open at 11 a.m.. We had reached at 10:30..

So, we waited outside the mall for half- an- hour. We talked about boyfriends(of others), girlfriends (obviously of others), parents (of our own) and at a point about someone who has nothing to do with our lives.

Well… after half- an- hour of tanning, we went inside to find out that only three  floors of that ‘building’ were tagged as mall. The other almost nine floors were offices. And in those three floors, there was no food court. Ya… I mean what’s a mall without food court?? But I guess for these situations someone has said “You never know…”

I gave my friend a “cool mall? Huh??” look.

She was already remembering her friend and I was complementing her friend’s relatives my own way.

We came out after 10 minutes that we had entered. Now, we realised that the world is not accepting us. The spiritual gyan crossed the mind that the world is shunning out its doors for us. And then the second thought, ‘what the fuck’. We went to the Metro Station again. There was a so- called ‘SALE’ of foot-wears. And if you are a girl, you know what SALE means and if you are a boy, you are the unfortunate one, not to understand it’s value and if you are a boy who has a girlfriend, then I do pity you. Well… coming to my own story, we entered the shop. The foot-wears we liked were not on sale and those which were on sale were just too good to be purchased at that price. We wasted another twenty minutes of our aimless lives and then boarded metro to our respective homes.

You will say, why I shared this on the blog. Well, are you upto reasoning? Please get out..!!images

 

Interviews- 2- The One With A Scientist

28 Feb

imagesSo, the interview is here. But, before you start reading it, a few Disclaimers:

  • it is in Hinglish… that is a mixture of English and Hindi…
  • if you are searching for any serious stuff here because the word “scientist” was used as a tag, then get out…. because… the whole conversation is weird and humorous
  • and the last one…. please sit with a coke and popcorns because you are so gonna enjoy this (who am I fooling… well the two things will help you in staying awake.)

Now a small bio of the boy who was screwed even more than whatever happened in the scholarship interview.

Arindam Saha ( naam to pehli baar suna hoga :P) studying in IISER, Kolkata…Academically he wanders around the space where Physics enters the realm of mathematics.He is currently interested in the mathematical structure of non linear dynamics and chaos.( and yes! I didn’t understood the technicalities involved 😛 and again yes… this line came from his “Hello World”)

Ab bahut bakwaas ho gayi, no the time for the real bakar…

Me: You are aspiring to become a scientist now, but had you always thought to do so?? (i had repeated this question thrice)

Arindam: …. umm…. ya…. sort of… uuu…. papa scientist the…. to… to… ( mujhe lga internship to lagwa hi denge dhang ki jagah)… so… usi direction me raha… plus… science ke alaawa zaada kuch aata nahi hai…. basically kuch bhi aata nahi hai… to jin logon ko kuch nahi aata wo to scientist bante hain…

Me: Jin logon ko kuch nahi aata wo scientist bante hain??

Arindam: Bilkul… scientist log … duniya ke sabse nikamme log scientist log hote hain… matlab science ek aisa field hai jisme bina kaam kiye paise milte hain… theek hai…( shit… profs na padh lein)

Me: Kaam to karna padta hai… you may say that even if you don’t achieve anything, you are paid… but you do have to do some work na….

Arindam: Na… nahi…. main bata rha hun na(sun to le… bolne to de) jaise theoretical scientist log jo hote hain… do type ke scientist hote hain…. experimental and theoretical…  to matlab theoretical scientist log ko kuch kaam hi nahi hai… wo subah aate hai… mail check karte hain… aaa… chai peete hain… fir waapis aate hain… fir mail check karte hain… student se kuch karwaate hain… fir khana khane ka time ho jaata hai… to effectively aap chaho to science me bina kuch kiye survive kar sakte ho… (yaar ye zaada vella na samajh le)

Me: (sigh) Well… next question… when you took up science… the most obvious option you would be having after 12th was b.tech.  so what inspired you to go for this research thing?

Arindam : aa… ummm…. okay…aaaaa…. uuu… isme inspire karne jaise to kuch hai nahi… maine to pehle hi bola ki science ke alawa kuch aur aata nahi tha… drawing arts mujhse hoti nahi… commerce ka zaada pata nahi tha us waqt… to it’s natural…

Me: But after 12th you could have also gone for b. tech. na… I mean b. tech is less padhai… more money ( naukri bhi jaldi lag jaati) … you are not so much into money?

Arindam: Umm… okay… umm…. money ka chakkar ye hai ki… money… zaada chakhi nahi zaada… (gharwalon ki kirpa abhi tak barsi nahi)… haan… so… chalta hai…. see ultimately agar aap finally ISRO me scientist bante ho to wo bhi sarkari naukri hi hai(and that’s a sweet dream too)… ultimately khane ke liye kaafi paise mil jaate hain…

Me: (Yaar jo poocha tha isne uska jawaab ab tak na diya… par 1 thing is evident… moh maaya tyagni padti hai…) Okay… next… why IISER?

Arindam: IISER… oh… kyunki… IIT me rank bahut bekar ayi thi…plus… IISER me ek aur fayda hai… paise milte hain…(IIT ne to tod diya tha)

ME: to study?

Arindam: Kitne??

(there was some problem with  telephone)

Me: No… no.. I am not asking kitne… I am asking … do you get money to study( I mean if that be the case, I will sue my university)

Arindam: Ha…. I mean IISER me ghusne ke liye admission base hai… scholarship chahiye the mujhe… wo clear kiya tha… to… so… IISER plus… plus… IIT me nahi hua tha…

Me: (Oh… scholarship …. not my cup of tea) Next… Can you tell more about the scholarship?? So that the young people reading it would know more about it… (mere chote bhai beheno ka jeevan sawar jaega)

Arindam: oh… ye to serious waala question ho gya( ye to peeche hi pad gayi) ye scholarship ka naam Kishore Viagyanik Protsahan Yojana… isme ek written exam hota hai … wo pass kiya tha ( pta nahi kaise) aur …fir interview hota hai… interview me bahut buri maari jaari hai( meri bhi maari gayi thi) aaa…. aur… aur… haan… almost 250 people are selected at a time… plus agar aap 1 ladki ho to aapko bahut bada advantage hai ki agar aapne written pass kar liya to aap interview bhi clear kar lete ho… ye… ye… ye… verified fact hai…

Me: Acha… ye serious hai ya mazaak hai?

Arindam: Nahi… its serious… serious (laughs)… officially nahi bolte hain lekin.. data kaafi acche se match karta hai… aur… aur.. bus.. scholarship hone se accha rehta hai… matlab aapko scholarship milti rahegi… 1 pointer maintain karna hota hai… wo to ho hi jaata hai… aur … aur haan… book wagerh ke paise mil jaate hai…travelling ke liye paise mil jaate hai..to pursue internship…

ME: (matlab he is the most eligible personto have a girlfriend… kharche to hain nahi iske) … travelling plus books… that’s good…

Arindam: Main bola than na tujhe… ye… uu… uu… 28000 milte hain… and uske saath aap jo chahe kar sakte ho( finally maine bta hi diya bandi ko apna scholarship amount… shayad ab impress ho jae)

Me: Okay… what was your family’s reaction about you taking up science??

Arindam : Bahut jhamele hue the… There was a time jab … papa roz sham ko 7:30 baje ghar aate the aur main unse roz dedicatedly 1 ghanta jhagda karta tha ki science lena hai ya engineering…

Me: So… the first reaction was not very welcomed by you??”

Arindam : Nahi… matlab wahi hai… science hai… research hai… kar paoge ya nahi… yahan par sab log engineering  kar rahe hain… aaa…. umm… so IIT se nahi hua to kya hua… NIIT wagerh bhi hai…(now i realise… papa sach kehte the)

Me: What are your plans for future?

Arindam: kaun sa kya?? (had hai… ye ye kya hota hai…accha wo jiske liye papaji kehte hain ki mera hai nahi) okay… chalo… oh…. mere plans for future… chalo… Phd… then post doc… fir kahin par naukri…

Me: okay( jitni der me isne bola itni der me to kar ke bhi aa jaata) … so matlab kahan pe naukri karne ka vichaar hai… matlab 1 dream to hota hai na ki yahan pe mil jae…

Arindam: Okay…okay… dream nahi hai…. 1 hi dream ha… India me naukri karunga… haa.. bahut saare reason hain India me naukri karne ke…

Me: No to NASA??

Arindam: Na…SA???(America… na yaar… wahaan badi thand padti hai…)  Oh… NASA … NASA ….NASA me na… ISRO accha hai… desh tarakki karna chahiye yaar… NASA me kya rakha hai….(aur sabse badi baat ISRO waalon ki kirpa ho jae wohi bahut hai)

Me: Who was your first inspiration to take up R and D as a career??

Arindam: Aa… father…

Me: He is also a scientist…??I mean in the same field like the physics field??

Arindam : No… no… no… papa jo kaam karte hain wo bahut bakwaas kaam karte hain… mujhe bilkul pasand nahi hai… chemistry ka koi sir pair nahi hai… aur chemistry ko main science ka part nahi manta… so… so… wahi hai… according to me papa not a scientist….

Me: (ab pta chala kyun jhamele hue the) Chemistry is not a part of science… why??

Arindam: Chemistry is not a part of science because it is illogical … bahut ratna padta hai… aaa… aaaa… aaaa… so basically it’s not science…

Me: Why is it illogical??

Arindam: (ye to chadhe hi ja rahi hai) Basically kyunki saari chemistry physics se aati hai aur chemistry ko physics ati nahi hai…. So ye mera personal vicahaar hai… iske upar bahut logon se debate kar chukka hun… (jute bhi padne waale hain) aur… aur is conclusion pe pahucha gya hai ki chemistry ka na sir hai na pair hai… aur agar aapko science karni hai to physics to karni padegi…

Me: (hadd hai…iska kuch nahi ho sakta) What do you like and dislike about your institute??

Arindam:  Dislike ye hai ki  sabse pehle… science me ladkiyan itni acchi nahi aati… ye sahi baat hai… accha… dusri baat ye hai… serious note…. politics hai… har jagah hota hai… aur liking ki baat ye hai ki science me innovation hai… aur 1 aur liking ki baat ye hai ki kya kehte hain… kaam nahi karna padta… science is a lazy person’s job… dislike ye bhi hai ki… zaadatar science institutes gaon me base hain… to… to… to… dislike bhi hai… like bhi hai….

Me: What is the research topic you have worked on or aspire to research on?

Arindam: (Ye to gandi waali le rahi hai… itne technical sawaal to aaj tak sirji ne bhi na pooche)…  accha research topic… haan… wo… wo… basically… aa… ye duniya ka sabse kathin sawaal hai… kisi bhi scientist keliye …. tu itna samajh le ki….aa…aa.. (aag ka dariya hai aur doob ke jaana hai) … computer programming karta hun…aaa.. physics karta hun thoda… jaise… example… maine nerve cells jo hote hain na… me kaise…. electrical impulses jaate hain… uspe study kiya tha… to main jo hai… basically… physics, bio, maths and programming ye chaaron ke intersection pe kaam karta hun…

Me: Do you think that government is doing it’s job properly to encourage research and development..?

Arindam: Aaaa… nahi… umm… but situation is improving… aaa… jaise ki pehle ke parallel koi system nahi tha… IIST, Bangalore ke alawa… ab IISERs bane hain… inka long term aim hai IIT ke tarz par ye utne capable institutes banenge… to abhi it’s increasing… now it is increasing…

Me: No… do you think that adequate encouragement is provided from the side of Government…I mean a sense of security is not there…

Arindam: aa…schools tak to fir bhi theek rehta hai… problem hai ki science me bahut zaada din tak padhna padta hai… to abhi economically acche background se hun… to science kar pa raha hun.. soch koi gareeb ka beta hoga to… 10 saal tak kaam nahi hoga to ghar kaise chalega…. so that incentive should increase, the bharosa that you are doing science and R and D so you are secure… that sense of security…and obviously the money should increase…

Me: Scientist are considered to be geek and nerds… what do you think about this…

Arindam: (ye to lagta hai sab scientists ko Sheldon samajhti hai… ise kya pta main Leonard hun) aaa… okay…. scientists are not geek, not nerds…. matlab this answer cannot be objectively answered… kyun… main bta rha hun…

Me: ( maine to pucha hi nahi…)

Arindam: see… a nerd in a nerd environment will not be cosidered a nerd… so…actually chakkar kya hai(ki chakkar chala lo)… ki logon ko science samajh nahi aati… jo cheez samakj nahi aati wo difficult lagne lagti hai…lekin aisa nahi hai… haan… aur dusra baat ye hai ki… image bana hua hai ki scientist log bahut todu phodu kaam karte hain… kuch nahi karte … normal insaan hote hain…

Me: Laughs and laughs and laughs on the last statement

Arindam: haan to bahut bhaav de diya jaata hai… aur koi baat nahi hai…(ye kab bhaav degi)

Me: Ohkay… so… now I am out questions… the interview was very cool… thank you very much for your time…

Arindam: (Out of questions…finally)

So… the torture is over… if the popcorns and coke didn’t served the purpose… I know, not their fault… 😛

Byei for now… will come back with this series soon… with an interview of who knows… you.. 🙂

Thank You for reading 🙂

Opinion poll pe opinion poll

8 Nov

Hi… my Indian friends would have already known what I am gonna talk about. But for the friends in abroad, I would have to give the background…

The Election season has dawned in India. Elections would be held in 5 states of India within the remaining two months of this year. Obviously, you can imagine, the situations and I would call them chaos, that have rapidly taken over the whole country in its ambit. Be it Sachin’s 199th match or the ambitious moon Mission…, everything fades away when a news channel starts a debate on political issues.

Nowadays, we see, every channel conduction opinion polls. Its basically a method of knowing the mood of people residing in a particular constituency about their representative and his contestant. But, one political party’s  spokesperson, created waves by commenting that opinion polls are just a way to mould public opinion and its should be banned. Now, the opposition doesn’t seem to be satisfied with this and replied that since this time opinion polls are against his party, he want to get them banned. And the chaos started. But amidst all this, news channels have  got a new issue to blabber about and get high TRPs with this.

A news channel conducted an opinion poll in my locality on whether opinion polls should be conducted or banned. So, this conversation:

Reporter: “Welcome, to News with Wine, I am AXI, your favorite reporter, live from Ujdaganj, conducting a live poll on whether opinion polls should  be banned.” He went up to a 60 year old man and asked the same question

60 year old: “I remember in 1975 when Indira Government was in power and emergency was imposed, I also went to jail but nothing was done in that regard. I lost my one finger in the 1984 riots, but one cares…

Reporter: “Sir, the question is something else…”

60year old: “Sorry, you were saying something??”

Reporter:(never mind) “Okkay… moving on to our youth.. let’s ask this young gentleman, about what he thinks about this issue..

Young man: “Sir, my name is A, and I am 23 years old and I work in Tata Motors as the junior engineer. I have a family of four, and I am unmarried and I…”

reporter: “Sir, do you realise that this is not a marriage match- making show?? Well, moving on to the ladies, I mean naari shakti, what does she has to say about this??”

Lady: “Arre bhaisahab… what to tell you?? Onions are Rs. 80 per kg and tomatoes are touching 100. Tell me what should I do??”

Reporter( Pickle is a good option): “Madam, what do you think about opinion polls??”

lady: “Ehh… what’s that??”

Reporter: “So, moving on to another youth…( Iski lagta hai shaadi ho chuki hai) Sir, tell us what you think about this…”

Youth: “Aag laga dunga… this is a clear attack on our democracy… aag laga dunga…” He held the mike very firmly in his hands so that reporter doesn’t take it away… “I am telling everybody is a dacoit, trying to fill their pockets… arre itna kama ke upar leke jaenge kya… huh… aag laga dunga… ”

Reporter had to snatch the mike from him and he thought( Iski pakka shaadi ho chuki hai )

Reporter than came up to me…

Reporter: So, here is a young lady, who seems to quietly hear all the conversations, madam what do you have to say…

Me:(eeeiii… me on television ….live..??) “Sir, I would just say that it’s wrong…”

Reporter: “Why do you think so…”

Me: (Abbe viva lega kya ab) “Because it’s just against natural justice…by the way… I would like to tell you that I am a writer and I have a very cool blog called Creati…”

He didn’t let me complete it… and took the mike away ( he surely sensed what I was trying to do)

Reporter: “So, here we come to the end of this poll, because of paucity of time( shukar hai kahtan hua) and I would like to thank the wise public of Ujadganj($%^#@) for their precious time and comments. We will follow on this story tomorrow, with a different set of people at a different place… till then keep watching our shows only on “News with Wine’…”

I hope Santa uses this method to buy gifts for us... :)

I hope Santa uses this method to buy gifts for us… 🙂

Facebook Status… kaise-kaise…

19 Oct
Hello Friends… today I am gonna talk about facebook statuses. But as a law student, how can I come directly to the point. So, first of all what is facebook status??
A facebook status is an update feature which allows users to discuss their thoughts, whereabouts, or important information with their friends.
But, sometimes, we come across so many dumb, stupid and hilarious(well, they are not meant to be hilarious but they sound like one).. and when we come across such a status, our mind would ask.. ye kya hai…
So, now the real post starts and here are some of the fb statuses which I found dumb or stupid…
Note: Whatever follows is a work based on reality and if you find your status here, its NOT a coincidence…
1. Bahut gussa aa rha hai…:
A comment would follow:kyun….
And the answer that one gets: yahan nahi bta sakti
Now, by the time, s(he) would clear that “yahan nahi bta sakti” almost 10 people would have liked the status. atleast 5 would have been concerned and almost all would have waited eagerly for a gossip to come out…2. Had a great time with Ramesh and Suresh: Now, if that came from a girl, just imagine the second meaning of the double meaning of this statement… And if that came from a boy, then my.. my… don’t even imagine…

3. Seriously fun aa gya @St. Maris Cemetry…: What kind of hell is this?? What fun did you had at the cemetry??

 

4. Baarish ho rahi hi… dhoop nikal rahi hai… thand ho rahi hai…: These are the weather reporter kind of people… who do not believe in enjoying the weather but would keep updating their status with such words as if others will get to know that it’s raining only after they would update it.
5. These are those creatures, who would never update their status and after sometime, you would even forget that this one exists on fb when his/her stautus will pop up, Passed with 78 marks.. these are the show off type people
6. Now, this is not a status, but a comment. A girl uploads her photo… even if she is trying to scare away a dog in the pic… one of the statuses will definitely be, “how cute… Keep it up” now its debatable as to what to keep up
the cuteness, the photo, or you as a friend…
7. Good night… hot girls…like if you think i am cute… Well boy… even if you were… after this status you are no longer CUTE!!
8. To cool down global warming… start using ACs… and it would be cool… Now, this status deserves a standing ovation and truly, bhai is bande ko to nobel prize banta hai…
U decide... who more dumb :P

U decide… who is more dumb 😛

9. I am always missed understand.. (I wonder why…)

10. I looooveeeee SSSRRRRKKK… happy birthday dude… You are my hero and III LLLLOOOOVVEEEE YOOOUUU sOOO MMucchhh… :Ya, good for you when he even doesn’t know that you exist…

11. A person uploaded his credit card’s photo and wrote..: ee.. yippee… I got a credit card: Now man… you got a credit card but your fb friends got your account no., by the way congratulations…

So, these were some of the statuses which when i read thought… Status… kaise.. kaise… 😛

The First Date !! – last one

24 Aug

Previously on this post series, I had talked about what blunder the man created when he met his first blind date. But as you know, I talk of equality, so here is the post where the girl would step into his shoes and repulse her date.

The story of this couple is that they had met through a common friend at a party and then decided to meet in person to get to know each other better. So, let’s see if they could find anything in common.

The girl arrives 10 minutes early and waits for the boy. The boy reaches there just on time and apologizes for being late ( although he is not practically late but since the girl has reached first, as if it’s a race 😛 ). So, after they exchange greetings, they settle down at the table and give their orders.

He: Wow… I don’t want to sound cheesy, but you are looking far more pretty than you did in that party.

She: (smilingly): Thanks… but this is my new secret. I have started using a new face cleanser. And after you said that, I think I am gonna stick to that.

He: Wow… that was unexpected… well… umm how do you know Ramesh??

(Now, Ramesh is that common friend at whose party they had met)

She: Well… long story short he is my ex…

He; Oh.. I am sorry… shouldn’t have brought that up…

She: Oh… its okay… at least I can flaunt that my ex was really hot…

He: ???

She: I mean… you are sober…

He: If that’s a compliment… thanks…

She: Well… umm… tell me about your family…

He: Its just me, my parents and younger brother…

She (excitedly): have you ever had the feeling that u could kill your bro… oops! well neither do i!! I mean that just slipped…

He: Okay. (She is insane)

She: let me tell you one secret of mine…when i was in 10th… i  had blown off the washroom at diwali time…

He: Hahaha… even i  had done that in my school…

She: In girl’s washroom??

He: no… Oh god… You did that in boy’s washroom.

She didn’t said anything but smiled in affirmation.

By this time they had finished their coffees and it was time for which the boy was hoping to come for the last ten minutes.

She: So, you think we are gonna see each other again.

He: ( how can she be so optimistic) Well… you are such a wonderful girl but i am not looking for that in a relationship

She: Then?? what do you want??

He: umm… i mean… umm..

She: Never mind… happens to me a lot… thanks for your time 🙂

He: ya you too…

So, here the post ends and the series too. Hope you liked this one.. and I never hope that his happens to any of you 🙂

index

Broken Sandal !!

30 Jul

HI friends, 🙂 Today is 30th July and its the date of the birthday of one of my favorite actresses, Lisa Kudrow aka Phoebe Buffay of Friends.  I don’t know this lady personally or to be honest I even don’t like Lisa Kudrow ( coz i dont know her) but, I love Phoebe Buffay and its in her honor that this post is dedicated. Of people who have watched this American T.V. sitcom would know that the best thing about Phoebe was her song “Smelly cats”. Well, taking inspiration from that I have written a song and I would like to ask you to read the following song in the same rhythm as “Smelly Cats”. I know my version would not be as good as hers’ but I can try. 🙂

Broken sandal, Broken sandal

This is unjust on you

They wouldn’t take you to the cobbler

You are obviously not their favorite sandal

Broken Sandal, Broken sandal

Its not your fault

Your strips are going out of the knot

And your leather is coming out on the road

Broken sandal, Broken sandal

happy Birthday :)

happy Birthday 🙂

this is unjust on you

Broken sandal, broken sandal

It’s not your fault

 

They are using you since 4 years

And they don’t consider that you also wear

You have lost your shine and fineness

But they take you for granted for every year

Broken, broken, broken sandal,

broken really really bad its not your fault!!

So, this was it… I hope you liked that 🙂

And again Happy Birthday Lisa Kudrow coz you played Phoebe and I love her.

( P.S. I love her only as a fan… people don’t take it otherwise 😉

The Experience !!

17 Jul

Some would have been sad, and some would have been happy that I was missing from blogging for the last 2 week. But, now after attending 2 family weddings, completing a journey of almost 20 hours, and sleeping off while my brother- in- law was talking to me… I am back… with the same nonsense stuff that you like to hear!! 😛

Well!! By now, you would have had a fair idea of what I am gonna talk about. The wedding?? The journey or my one and only B-O-L?? No, none is the topic for today. (I mean these can wait).

I am gonna talk about a real life experience that happened to me. While I was in Kota, Rajasthan, to attend my cousin’s wedding, I along with my parents went to Kota Barrage. This is a kind of tourist place there. A barrage is a type of dam which consists of a line of large gates that can be opened or closed to control the amount of water passing the dam. The gates are set between flanking piers which are responsible for supporting the water load. They are often used to control and stabilize water flow of rivers for irrigation systems. (and yes, that came from wikipedia :P)

So, we went there and as most of the tourist places are, this one was also crowded by roadside bhelpuri wala, chana wala, bhutte wala, etc.

After we saw the thing and got our photos clicked in my 2 megapixel phone camera, my father suggested that we should try some snacks. And that is where the trouble began.

There were 3 cows there, two of them having big horns and the third one was calf. So, as soon as I held my corn cob, one of the cows started staring at me…

At this I was quite frightened, because she apparently had shifted all her focus on me or to be precise on the corn. Her facial expressions were telling that she can attack me any moment for that corn cob. I finished that cob as fast as i could and threw the leftover on the road. She jumped onto that and it scared the crap out of me to the extent that I started running away from her. Now, I don’t know whether it was my reaction or the perfume, but she started chasing me. Literally, imagine a two horned cow chasing you and you running around traffic, people watching you and having the fun of their life while you are out of your guts.

Well, the trail ended, when a man in his 50s controlled that wreck and saved me.  Thanks to him and to hell with him at the same time, because it turned out that it was his animal, and he had left that unattended to go to the nearby shop to buy gutka.

cow

Well, this one ends here, but it was quite an experience to face death and to run around a city you barely know, and watching your parents laugh at it while everything is under control. And when you ask how the experience was, I would just say”NO COMMENTS” 😛

 

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