Tag Archives: funny

Celebrity Talk

15 Dec

In Indian society, the level of youth being motivated to make it large in his life, is directly proportional to the fact as to how the celebrities in the society are treated.

If I even talk about inter- caste marriage in the family, I would be either beheaded or banished from the society. But if a film star performs inter- religion marriage, it becomes the unique precedent of cultural and communal integrity.

Recently one ‘superstar’ of our nation was acquitted of the charges of rash car driving leading to death of one person who was sleeping on the footpath. The whole nation wanted to know why the homeless was sleeping on the pavement. But if I mistakenly even pluck a flower from roadside pavement decors, I would be fined Rs. 500. A celebrity can go out in public, become grossly drunk and vomit, but I, the common man, cannot even spit in the dustbin without people gazing at me.

All these things indicate that as one rises up on the ladder of success, he goes out of the gravitation force of rules, laws and society.

There is one more thing that these Celebrities can do, but common man can’t. It’s hypocrisy. Recently, one Bollywood actress whose only claim to fame was her so – called oversized body has shed off that ‘over’ with the help of gym. Now, she is considered to be outspoken and previously she always advocated that beauty is not in body. You don’t have to be in shape according to society. Just wear your own shape and decide yourself. It is to be noted that she inspired many girls to be comfortable about their looks as it is and not to be slim for anyone. The same girl now released photos from a photo shoot where her extra pounds are nowhere to be seen and now she advocated fitness. Well! if it would have been me, I would have been annoyingly disturbed about my size by even my parents. Then when I would have tried to shed it off by going to gym or being on a diet, I would have been equally demotivated and after all this if I would have been successful in achieving the loss of some kgs, it would be said that I am jealous of my cousins who are slim or that I am preparing myself for some boy so that I could get married. In my case I would be doing it for anyone but me and in her case, she can’t do it for anyone else. NO!

Oh! There is one more thing that society teaches that if some celebrity does good deeds, his previous bad acts should be forgotten. Not even forgiven, but simply forgotten. So, this means good deeds are like gift vouchers that can be used in bad times. In this era of capitalism, the economic angle of these vouchers need to be studied carefully. It has to be kept in mind that the Gita gyaan should be a little amended. According to Gita, only focus on your work and do not worry about result, but now before you do your work, focus as to if it would fetch you any of those vouchers, so that when result is out, you can use them if needed.

So, for example, get drunk and abuse people, if anyone asks, you may say that you had fed dogs the previous day. That dog would never know that by feeding him, the man just bought a policy to secure his future.

In the end, if you ever come across a news stating that Harshda, a blogger from Delhi is caught red handed for stealing pencil and pens from office, please forgive me, as writing less on the blog nowadays, I am also kind of doing a service. 😛

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Interviews- The One With Madhura- II

15 Nov

So, the interview with Madhura is here. Madhura, there is no character named Madhure in Ramayana, but I didn’t lie. Madhure is the past life name of Mandodari, the wife of Ravana and mother of three illustrious but ill- famed sons.

She came down on earth to answer the queries which generally come in mind when her role in the saga is discussed (which is rarely done).

Me: Hello

She: Namaskar

Me: So… why have you chosen me for taking the interview?

She: My husband and son told that there are plenty of dumb people on paatal, and so don’t waste time on finding the right kind. They suggested your name and made my job easy.

Me: If I am that dumb… why is it that your family encounters only me.

She: God punishes in different ways.

Me: (Ignored :P) So… Mandodari… tell us about something about yourself.

She: You are taking my interview… what do you know about me?

Me: Well… We don’t find much about you in Ramayana… but in other texts there are stories that you were the daughter of Mayasura and Hema. One day Ravana visited your house and fell in love with you and they you two were married. Is this true?

She: That depends on what you believe. You believe what you heard and read or what a demon’s wife is gonna tell you?

Me: Well… I will believe what a sage’s daughter tells me.

She: I am a married woman… I am no longer anyone’s daughter. My only accountability can be drawn through my husband.

Me: Aah… talking about your husband… some say that he abducted Sita as Rama had dishonored Supranakha, his sister. How was that an appropriate conduct for one who is considered to be the biggest devotee of Shiva?

She: Get your facts right. He did not abduct Sita because of his sister. He had already heard about Rama’s victory over several demons. He had the knowledge that this is either Vishnu or just a common man having extraordinary skills… in any situation he knew he would win.

Me: But he lost…

She: How? In the battleground, it was proved that Rama was an incarnation of Vishnu as no other being in the world had power to destroy my lord. He was killed by the God himself.

Me: If that was the only motive, why would he abduct Sita? He could have waged war against Ayodya or against Rama itself.

She: Wouldn’t he then be looked upon as a fool? Why would the keeper of Kuber’s treasure need to invade anyone? He had power, authority, money… everything… what would have been the explanation to invade Ayodya? And about challenging Rama.. well… that is even more amusing as to why would the greatest king be interested in a forest dweller.

Me: Ok… talking about Seeta… how was her conduct in Ashoka Vatika?

She: Well… she was a serene lady. I was very much impressed by her faithfulness towards her husband, and the belief that he would come to rescue her was applaudable.

Me: What was your reaction when your husband told that he has abducted a woman.

She: I was not at all surprised at first as similar incidents had occured in the past, but when I came to know that he had taken the guise of sadhu and fooled Sita to believe him I was a bit disappointed. He did a sin henious than forcefully taking a woman.

Me: We read in Valmiki Ramayana that when all the great warriors of Lanka died, Ravana organizes a yajna (“fire sacrifice”) to assure his victory. Rama sent a troop of monkeys headed by Hanuman and the monkey prince Angada to destroy this yajna. The monkeys created havoc in Ravana’s palace, but Ravana continues the yajna. Angada dragged you by your hair in front of Ravana. The enraged Ravana abandons the yajna and strikes Angada with his sword. Is this correct?

She: You will find gruesome descriptions in Krittivasi Ramayana and Bichitra Ramayana. Well.. I would just say that my husband was no less loyal than Rama and protected me whenever needed.

Me: Ok… last question… what did you learn from Sita?

She: What was the need? Instead she learnt quite a lot things from me.

Me: Oh..

She: Like… how to put on makeup… I gave her many of my secrets… and yeah… she learnt a thing which she actually had to follow in later life… when Rama abandoned her and sent her to forest where she gave birth to her two illustrious sons… it was my conduct that she followed.

Me: And that was?

She: To be with your man… always. If I was with my husband, when he conquered the world… it was my duty to be with him when he failed at the hands of a forest dweller. If I was with him at his best then I had the duty to be at his worst too. And I did that. Sita also did that.

Me: Panchakanyas…. the one among the five virgins… thank you for coming over and chat with me.

She: Well… I was so bored in heavens… but still don’t call me back.

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So, the interview is over. Will meet you soon after I make up something else to publish. 😛

Jaanlewa Jaanu- VI

31 Jul

With actually no topic in mind, I start with my favorite topic, the Jaanlewa Jaanu. This one is the most appreciated and the most read post series on this blog.

So, this time the jaanu is in a mall with the guy to shop for a bag (that’s what she is looking for). Let’s see how it turns out!

Boy: Baby… we have been roaming for the last 35 minutes and we have not entered even a single bag shop.

Girl: I know… I was thinking to get these foot wears… aren’t they pretty?” She asked without looking at him.

Boy: “If you like them, they are definitely good. ” He said with a smiling face. (I know cheap line).

The girl bought that footwear. The boy was quite sure that now she would enter the bag showroom, but to his despair, there were Biba and UCB in the way to Caprese. So, the girl enetred Biba. (You see… absolutely not her fault, she is a girl, so she will shop, the person with her is a boy so he will pay).

Girl: Look… how pretty this dress is. You think I should try this?

And before the boy could exercise his right to speech and expression, the salesperson came and spilled “Oh sure… Ma’am the fresh summer collection is here. You will absolutely fall for the new designs. Let me help you.”

The boy now knew that his lady love is gone with the salesman. He knew that he would not see her for almost two hours now. He knew that she would be trying every new dress that she could grab on and ask for the salesperson’s advice rather than his. And knowing all this he was happy.

As he turned his mobile data, to check out the world happenings on watsapp and other social networks, his phone pinged. One after the other messages were coming from his love, showing him dresses that she had selected. He zoomed the dresses to see if the price tag was visible. But the girl seemed to be a clever photographer. He was thinking of calling his boss and applying for a loan as it seemed that whole of his salary would be spent in the next some hours or so.

There was a time when he eagerly used to wait for Sundays and now is the time, when he has to meet his girlfriend on Sunday and sometimes has to lie that he is working on Sundays too.

He was deep engrossed in his thoughts while at the same time looking at his Facebook wall aimlessly. He was just going to comment on his best friend’s vacation photo when his phone rang. He looked at his watch. It was 7 p.m. One hour had gone by. “Good time passes fast.” He thought. He picked up the call.

“Where are you?” A commanded voice asked him.

“In Biba only… you were trying the clothes na… so I just…”

“Come fast to the cash counter.” She said and put off the phone immediately.

He started walking with heavy feet and came close to the counter. He saw two more men like him who very having the same expressions of despair on their faces which were being completely ignored by their girls.

He pulled out his wallet and gave his Maestro  Card. The girl came out happy and the boy came out with a little less balance in his bank account.  Money can’t but love, but it can surely make lover, a beggar.

“So… now?” He asked.

“Now… we will eat something and go to home.”

“But… your bag? No need now?”

“How can there be no need… I just changed  my mind at not buying them now. I am too tired now.

(I wish she changes her mind and does not replace it with anything.) He thought.

After that, they went for the dinner in the Mall’s Food Court and heeded home afterwards. After the shopping, the girl was exhausted and the boy was extorted. 😛

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Jaanlewa Jaanu- V

21 Oct

So, Diwali is here. The festival of lights, festival of prayers, festival of holidays and above all the festival to shop. Shop endlessly, non- sensibly, extravagantly and if you are in a relationship (and a girl), shopping without spending even a penny of your own.

Now, its been quite sometime when we met the Jaanlewa Jaanu. And it is a fact that I might forget her but there are some characters and  families that occasionally come to meet me.

So, this time I spotted her at the market. Two days before the festival. Ultimate rush in the streets, shops and even the pavements were crowded with people loaded with ten bags in each hand on an average. People were shopping as if the market is going down and it will not see the light of the next day.

So, I was talking about our girl. She was shopping with a boy standing beside her, holding almost 7-8 bags in both his hands and without giving a damn to that fact, concentrating on the girl’s voice who was asking.

“What do you think would look better. Green or pink?” She asked holding the two identical shirts with different colours.

“Madam… we have almost all the colours for this shirt…” and he took out a pile from one side  and showcased different colours of that shirt and made a pile of those shirts on the other side. The girl very patiently held all the shirts and asked the boy about each and every shirt.

“How would this look on me?”

“Jaan everything looks fine on you… take any..”

“Just fine? And what do you mean by any?”

“I… i mean… you just increase the value of everything that gets attached to you… like me..” he said smiling while trying to control the situation.

“Oh… well… how is this grey one?” She said while looking intensely at the shirt.

“Umm.. ya it’s fantastic.”

“No… i have 3 shirts of this colour.” She took the black one.

“And how would this be?”

“I guess.. ya… it’s.. you would look amazing… and you should take it as you don’t have this colour.”

As soon as he finished the last line, he found the girl looking or rather gazing at him as if he had committed some crime.

“How could you forget? You gifted me a black colour shirt on our ‘The day we first talked anniversay’ I still remember that on the first hand you had forgotten the very important day itself and now you don’t remember what you gifted me for make up for that forgetfulness. I think you just don’t find me that important to be remembered.”

“Aah… that anniversary…” He said in nostalgia.

“Huh… I am the only one to remember everything… ‘the day we met anniversary’, the day we first talked anniversary’, the day you took me out for a walk anniversary’ and i am damn sure that you don’t remember the ‘ the day my sandal broke and you got it mended anniversary’.”

“There is that date too?” He thought.  But to avoid further embarrassment in front of the shopkeeper and other people around he said:

“Well i suggested black… because I think you look too good in black.”

“Huh… why are you always so concerned about me being looking good? What if tomorrow i don’t look good? Why is it all about my body to you?”

“My girl… its not… but you only asked ‘how would this look on me’… So… I was just suggesting…”

“Okay… well do you have any other designs in the shirt? She asked while discarding all the effort of the shopkeeper to please this girl. But he had to do his job. So he untied a pile of clothes and showcased her the so- called ‘New Arrival’.

“Hmm… well… i am just saying… but i am holding these 7 bags for the last 15 minutes… can you choose a bit fast? The boy asked in a perplexed tone.

“Why? You are tired already?  I have not even started the shopping yet.. I have to get decorations, sweets and some cosmetics and most importantly a present for…”

“For me?” The boy interrupted in excitement.

“No… for the house maid…” She said while looking at another purple colour shirt.

“Ya.. she is important.” The boy thought.

But with this last scene… I could not resist my laughter. The boy turned towards me but the girl was so lost in the shirt. The boy gave me a ‘jaisi bhi hai, jo bhi hai… meri jaanu hai ye’ look… in simple words… gave my an angry birds look.

imagesI, who had entered the shop just to get this instance to narrate to you, had gone alone for shopping and bought things that i really didn’t needed. (Yes!I don’t need a jaanu to take me to shopping, but i will consider someone to carry the bags :P)

So, this is all for this time… Happy Diwali to everybody. Have a safe and prosperous year ahead and never ever miss any episode of your HSI blogger’s series :p

The ‘Dumb’ Phone

5 Oct

In this new era of smartphones, its quite disheartening to see people going dumb. No… seriously… in earlier days.. we used to remember so many phone numbers, our retaining power was good. And now we don’t remember our own phone numbers. We can reach the world with internet connection, but without that, the phone seems to be the most useless possession. Okay… I am not in the mood of furnishing gyaan to you… but would just like to share as to how the actually smart people think of these so- called ‘smartphones’.

The post is about my mother’s first ever phone. Moto E! We paid a rupee more for the phone when it was delivered through Flipkart. The price to be paid was Rs. 6999, but we had the bad luck of not having the change and the other party never has the change. Now, that you know the name of the phone… browse about it yourself… this is not a tech- based site to provide you the info of this phone.

The story starts with the receiving of the phone. My mom was quite excited as well as nervous on the issue of handling it. Within one hour, we downloaded watsapp, Facebook, two or three games and some other apps. Our work was done. An hour later, a ping appeared on the phone. It was one Watsapp message.

“Oh… how to open it?” My mom asked.

“Put your thumb on the top of the screen and pull it down.”

She tried… she would not just rest the thumb there … just touch it and leave.

“You have to keep the thumb there for a second.” I explained.

I though that it is touch screen.”

“Yeah it is…”

“Ok…” she said in a disappointed tone, and ended the struggle of opening the message.

“Oh… it’s your aunt… this is an image of ‘Good Morning’… Good morning? Why would she do that?”

“She just… greeted you… you should send back a message.” I suggested.

“Why?? We don’t greet each other… We never have… what’s the use of starting such a practice now?” She asked in a confused tone.

“Ask her…” I answered in an irritated tone.

“Ok… how to call?”

“Don’t call her… use the same thing… message her on WatsApp.”

“How?” She asked again.

“Put your thumb here…” I indicated at the reply box.

“Now see that you have the letters to type… touch the letter that you want to type.”

She tries and wrote ‘HOW ARE YOU?’ in almost 5 minutes.

“Now how to send it?” She enquired.

“Like a very patient teacher, I told, ” Just tap on the arrow that you see in the right.”

And as an obedient learner, she did as instructed.

“Now?”

Seemed like ‘Now’ and ‘How’ were the words of that day.

“”It’s sent…”

“Sent? So fast?? Must be costly?”

“It’s almost free.. mom..”

“Nothing is for free… tell me how much balance is left in the phone?”

“Mom… see… we have wi- fi connection… so it’s all through net… and we have unlimited net pack… so even if you message the whole day… it will cost you not a single penny.”

“Oh… if that be the case.. I can also send a ‘Good Morning’ but I don’t have such beautiful images in my phone like your aunt sent.”

“We can download them.” I suggested.

“Huh… this phone has nothing… now we download them… and they would instantly charge money.”

“No mom… that also we will do through net.”

“Everything in this phone is through net?”

“Ya kind of… oh… you can call… but that is without net… as in like any other phone…”

“Such a dumb phone..!!” She exclaimed.

“Why?” I asked in surprise.

“It is nothing without internet. I mean N1100 is better than this… at least it’s body can be used effectively to kill a roadside romeo… and it has less features… but at least independent…”

I smiled and went into the kitchen as my mom had started browsing the internet and I had no patience left to take another class on that ‘dumb phone’. But… I guess there would be more posts on the issue as there are many things which my mother has to learn from the phone and you have to learn from my mother. 😛 🙂

 

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In Conversation with Indrajeet

3 Oct

So… your favorite blog is back… for those who missed me… well get some work people and those who didn’t… never mind… i didn’t missed you too… 😛

You would ask… where was I? Well… there was some problem with my WordPress site. It rejected to open… until yesterday and when it opened…  notifications hanging on the left side of the screen brought nostalgia. Well… talking about today’s topic… its Dusshehra… as many of you would know.  And if you remember the last year’s Dusshehra… I had met Ravana. So, how could the stars spare me this time. But, this time.. it was Meghnada. Meghanda… this name, he got because of his vocal qualities. It is said that his voice was as powerful as the thundering of clouds. He is also known as Indrajeet, as he had won Indra, the king of all deities.

So, this time I was roaming in the park near my home, when I meet this person in broken hawaii chappals, an old jeans and patched t- shirt. He called me and asked if I had some water.

I went to him with water in one hand and a ready fist to break his nose if he tries to do anything wrong in the other. He was breathing heavily, and grabbed the water bottle from my hand. He was looking quite feeble and it was evident from his face that he had not eaten anything for days. As a responsible citizen, I brought out the pepper spray from my bag, and went a bit closer to him and asked

“Are you okay?”

Hearing this, he looked at me with surprise as if he didn’t knew I was there. He was continuously staring at me and then looked at the bottle that I had given him.

“You can see me?” He asked in amazement.

With this question, there was no doubt left that the man was insane, and I should leave. As I hurriedly turned back, he asked again.

“Can you really see me?”

This time his voice was stronger and it felt like a cloud has burst somewhere.

I was totally horrified, but kept a clam face and said, “Yes… I can see you, that is why I could give you that water bottle.”

“Do you know who am I?”

My mind crossed all the limits of what this man thinks he is. What  will he tell me… maybe he would say that he is Barack Obama or Bill Gates or maybe the creepy “tumahra aashiq”. But I held my mind firmly and asked… “No, I don’t know..”

“Even with this voice… oh… maybe I have lost it… Well I am Meghnad.. nice to meet you…” He extended his hand towards me for a hand shake.

Now after hearing that, the questions were turned, Am I insane? Why do I encounter this family every Dusshehra?

“Oh… hi… nice to meet you…” I replied.

“You are not surprised? I mean meeting the Satyuga devil must be unheard of..”

“No.. not for me… actually I had met your father last year. So, I can totally understand that this is happening.”

“Oh… so you are that little girl… ya dad was telling he met a fool those days.”

“Yeah.. thanks for bringing that up… what are you doing here… and in these clothes?”

“Yeah.. dad told me that Delhites can rob you… so you better be cautious… so I came prepared… now tell me would anyone rob me?”

“No… I guess no… but then why were you… like… dying for water?”

“Oh… I just ate an apple… it is so adulterated… almost killed me… how do you people survive?”

“Ok… you don’t need to care about the world… what are you doing here?”

“Oh… my father told that you make excellent effigies of dad, Khumbhakaran uncle and me.. so just strolled down from hell to enjoy the show.”

“Do you know that while we burn you down, we imagine  that you are actually dying.”

“Ya… I know and I am here to witness the fake content on your faces.” He smiled.

As i turned back to head towards my home, he questioned

“Why do you think those petty men of woods you all worship able to kill the most powerful threesome in the world.?”

“Maybe because they were justified. Their lady was in your wrongful confinement… they repeatedly asked you to return her, but you denied… they didn’t kill you… that lady’s will killed you.”

“Do you know that I was murdered when I was in meditation. I was doing a yagya when they came stealthily in the cave and killed me… how would you justify that? Killing an unarmed person?”

“I think it’s totally justified. And the moral of your story is that if you call Gods with a wrong intention, they will come and treat you right.”

“But I was the most powerful… I defeated Indra… defeated that Laxmana twice and even Rama once… but they killed me with wrong means… nothing can justify their wrong means.”

“You cannot complain… even you and your brother had used wrong tactics.”

“But if they do the same wrong, then how are they different from us?”

“They are different because they didn’t defeated you to prove or show the world that you are weak… they fought for a cause… and there is no further justification for whatever they did.”

“I guess you are no longer a fool that my father met.” He said in despair.

“But I like one thing about you…” I said.

“What?” He asked excitedly.

“That you won over Indra… I mean that’s a big achievement.”

“Oh… that was a cake piece for me…”

“Sigh…” I looked at my watch. It was almost 7.

“Oh… it’s time.” I told him.

“What are we waiting for then? Let’s go and enjoy the show… after all that 5 minute affair is all what Dusshehra is about.. isn’t it?”

He said these words very casually, and walked with me to the open ground where announcement of a corrupt politician to come forward and shoot the burning arrow towards Meghnad was being made.

 

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Cooking… An Art More Complex Than The Rocket Science

5 Jul

The following post is written for the ‘My Beautiful Food’ contest held by IndiBlogger and sponsored by http://www.myborosil.com/

 

“So… you don’t know how to cook.”

“I…I…do… and what do you mean by that?? You just ate daal, spinach and rotis.”

“That was daal? I thought it was some kind of salted water, where was the daal? And the spinach… whatever, but you don’t know how to cook… admit it.”

“Okay… I will admit that I am a bad cook… but… I cooked.”

“Smriti… there is good food, there is bad food and there is something that the maker calls the food and the eater trashes away. What you presented falls in the third category. Plus what do you mean by ‘I cooked’… you have to cook.. that’s something you are obliged to do.”

“Well… I tried…”

“You tried… because you don’t know how to cook… right?”

“Your purpose of marrying me was to judge my culinary skills?”

“No… but it’s time that you start learning this skill… seriously…”

Aamil left the dining table to get ready for the office. He was recently being married to Smriti. Smriti works as a secretary in a private firm. Her husband, Aamil, works in a government agency falling into the officer grade pay.

After he left, Smriti was thinking about the dinner’s menu. There were many vegetables in the refrigerator, almost every type of pulse in the storeroom, but the basic problem was that she didn’t knew how to put these things to the best use. She searched on youtube for easy recipes and listed out two which seemed quite easy.

For the main dinner she picked out the recipe of jeera rice and kadhai paneer and for snacks she thought of dhokla.

She used the Mixing Bowl from her collection of myborosil.com to mix the ingredients of the batter of dhokla that included gram flour, salt, curd and baking soda. She mixed it well, transferred it in Rectangular Dish and placed it in the microwave and left the rest of the cooking to be done by the machine.

Then she turned towards the jeera rice which was simple as there were not much ingredients involved and the steps were also very less. But the main battle was to be fought with kadhai paneer.

She pieced the paneer, prepared the gravy and followed the recipe very religiously. The colour of the gravy was royal and the fragrance of fresh spices was talking a lot about the future of the dish.

As soon as she had prepared the three dishes, the bell rung.

She opened the door with a smiling face. Aamil was quite surprised at the mysterious smile of his wife, but was too tired to ask her the reason. She went into the kitchen and brought the dhokla that she had prepared and two cups of tea. Aamil was surprised to see the dhokla.

“Where did this came from?” He asked.

“From your own house.”

“Ohkay… it looks good… is it really good or its because of the Rectangular Dish in which it is placed.”

“You decide.” She said with a confidence.

He took out a piece of it and without using the plate, put it inside his mouth. For once his eyes glistened and his mouth said, “Wonderful… its hard to believe that you have made it.”

“Believe it, because I have put in a lot of effort…”

Aamil realised that he had been too hard on his wife that morning and maybe this was her wife’s way of responding.

“I am very sorry for today morning, I never knew you would take that so seriously but I am glad that you did… but that obviously doesn’t  justify my rude words, so I am sorry.”

“Its okay… I am glad that you realised your fault… and don’t tell me that you are sorry… because…”

“Because..? He said munching the other piece.

“Because I did something for which I should be sorry and so both the sorrys  cancel out each other.” She said in a perplexed tone.

“What have you done?”

“I was preparing jeera rice and kadhai paneer for you…and..”

“Wow… that is so thoughtful and trust me I just can’t wait to taste them.”

“Well.. you would have to wait…”

“Ya… I know… till 8:30… that is our dinner time… I know…” He said.

“Yes… yes… till 8:30 of some other day.”

“But you just said…”

“The rice burnt and  for the kadhai paneer…

“The kadhai paneer?”

“It too burnt…”

“Ouch… wow… well how?” He asked in confusion.

“Actually…  the rice in the cooker were boiling and the gravy in the kadhai was taking some time to cook and the recipe said that it would take almost 10 minutes for the gravy to be ready… so…”

“Smriti… go on… so?”

“So… I called my mother and…”

“And you need not explain more… you called your mother and that explains a lot… you forgot to check on the two things while discussing about stupid household talks… didn’t you?”

“She was telling me about her early days with cooking… the topic stretched.”

“Smriti… you were talking to your mother, even when you ask her about her well- being she stretches it to almost 10 minutes.”

Smriti stood there, with her eyes stuck on the floor.

“Where are the two things?”

“In the kitchen.”

Aamil went into the kitchen and had a look.

“It seems you really tried… sincerely tried.”

“I did.”

“Then I will not let my wife’s effort go into drain… I will eat this… howsover bad it might taste.”

“Aalim… I tasted it… one suggestion… I know you love me… but if you eat this… i fear that love is definitely getting down the drain… so please let’s order pizza.”

“Thank you… I was just trying to sound concerned… this…”

“This..?”

“Well.. this is like…. who cares… the dhokla was awesome…” He tried to divert from the main course and cuddled with his wife to divert himself from the fact that how bad a cook his wife was.

 

Doesn’t Matter !!

26 Jun

Two conversations. ‘A’ is the girl who can be found in almost every girl. And ‘B’ is that every person in every A’s life for whom nothing more matters than A herself.

Pretty

A: I am not pretty… I never have been… my entire life I was the studious girl… you can check the width of spectacle glasses for proof… the ‘good girl’… someone who, at times, didn’t wanted to be the good girl. In the school I was asked to tie up my hair properly and not to put kajal… other girls of the class rarely followed that… but I always did. In the college, girls used to come in shorts, skirts, mini skirts but I never got a chance… you see I travelled from a far place to reach college… I could not afford lusty eyes gazing at me in the public transport. No one ever said that I am pretty. They said I am cool, I am funny, and even an extensively interesting person to know… but “pretty”? Never.

B: You think that to be pretty you need to put on the kajal, untie your hair and wear a skirt?

A: Ya… maybe… girls who do all this are pretty… they look pretty… they get the compliments and the attention.

B: Okay… if that’s your definition… but… let me tell you that you are beautiful… and being beautiful is much harder than being pretty… what does it take to be pretty? What does it cost? Long shiny hair… maybe a shampoo plus conditioner Rs. 200, kajal Rs. 175, that dress you are about… at the most just a thousand bucks… but you cannot purchase beauty…”

A:”Ya… nobody buys that… and people do not see the beauty they see pretty faces.

B: Are those people that important?

A: Sometimes, they are.

B: Okay… but again I would say that you don’t need these things to look pretty… what you need is what you already have.

A: What is it?

B: Attitude… you have it… just wear it sometime and maybe that would work out.

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Every Girl’s Ultimate Nightmare

A: Am I fat? I mean I know that maybe I am… but am I.. to the extent that people notice it?

B: No… you are not fat.

A: That’s not even an answer… I mean be clear.

B: How can I be more clear? I just told you… you are not fat… end of the story.

A: But… the trouser I purchased last year is not fitting me.

“Okay… so you gained some weight… but that doesn’t mean that you are fat.

A: Then what does it mean?

B: It just means that you have put up some weight… but that doesn’t make you fat… I mean there is a difference between the two.

A: Care to explain?

B: Okay.. Why do you care? Even if you are fat? What concerns you? I know you are not such a health conscious girl… I mean if you were… you would not have baked that cake for yourself…

A: Don’t bring that up…

B: Why shouldn’t I? You ate that whole cake by yourself.

A: Don’t change the topic… all I am saying is… I am not slim anymore and that might… you know… be an image spoiler.

B: Oh… so now… we know the real problem… you don’t have a problem with being fat… the problem is people noticing it… your friends taunting you about it… you have to be slim for people… I mean that’s your stand?

A: Hmm… thanks… I understood.

B: What did you understood?

A: That I am fat and it is to the extent that people would notice it and on the cake… I was thinking of baking a cake for you today… but now forget it.

B: What? You will not bake it now.”

A: Not for you… 🙂

fat

Second Saturday!!

10 May

Hi… fellas… So… this happened… every word that follows actually happened… (not today although)… tragic for me… par aap maze lo…

So, on a fateful Thursday I planned to visit court. I asked one of my friends from law school to accompany me (timepass) and she agreed. We decided to go to Tees Hazari Court. I was very excited, as in Tees Hazari, many matrimonial (masala) cases come up for hearing. The court opens at 10 a.m., and we decided to meet at the court at ten only. The dedication, the excitement and the expectations ( of getting to hear gossip cases) was high.

On Saturday, I woke up at 8, got ready by 9 and boarded the Metro to Tees Hazari at almost 9:15. By 9:55, I reached the desired Metro Station. I called up my friend to know her whereabouts. She told that she would reach in a minute or so. After she came, we went outside the station and suddenly something stuck her… “Aaj to second Saturday hai…” the thing didn’t stuck me or maybe it had, but the disbelief caused me to ask

“So…?”

“Dude… its second Saturday… courts are closed…”

“Why?”

“Because its second Saturday..”

“Why?”

“See… this all started when man started designating a particular day… they settled for seven days in a week and then…”

“Ohkay… got it… I got it that we came to the court to hear the proceedings and it’s closed… what the f…”

I became quite angry, and then sad, and then kind of depressed and then I suddenly laughed.

I laughed for almost 320 seconds. My friend knew about my “once started, never ending” way of laughter. I was laughing really hard standing on the pavement outside the court and my friend was standing beside me, giving a look to the world that said, “Dude… I am waiting for the bus… I don’t know her”.

After I stopped or rather the passerby’s look forced me to. I asked,

“So.. what do we do??”

“March home..”

“I am not in a mood to go home. I had announced so proudly about today’s plans and when they would come to know that this happened, they all would first burst out into laughter and would always bring that up in front of everybody.

“So… what should we do? Oh.. there is a cool mall in NSP… why don’t we go there..” She suggested.

“Have you been there earlier?” I asked.

“Na.. but one of my friends has… ans she said that’s really good.”

I had no other options. And as they say, beggars cannot be choosers. So, we boarded the Metro and reached NSP in some other 30 minutes. We de-boarded, and went to a mall which was seeming to be nearest the Metro Station.

“Are you sure this is it??

“Ya… I can’t see any other mall here…”

“Okay…”. We reached there. At the entrance, the guard told us that the mall shall open at 11 a.m.. We had reached at 10:30..

So, we waited outside the mall for half- an- hour. We talked about boyfriends(of others), girlfriends (obviously of others), parents (of our own) and at a point about someone who has nothing to do with our lives.

Well… after half- an- hour of tanning, we went inside to find out that only three  floors of that ‘building’ were tagged as mall. The other almost nine floors were offices. And in those three floors, there was no food court. Ya… I mean what’s a mall without food court?? But I guess for these situations someone has said “You never know…”

I gave my friend a “cool mall? Huh??” look.

She was already remembering her friend and I was complementing her friend’s relatives my own way.

We came out after 10 minutes that we had entered. Now, we realised that the world is not accepting us. The spiritual gyan crossed the mind that the world is shunning out its doors for us. And then the second thought, ‘what the fuck’. We went to the Metro Station again. There was a so- called ‘SALE’ of foot-wears. And if you are a girl, you know what SALE means and if you are a boy, you are the unfortunate one, not to understand it’s value and if you are a boy who has a girlfriend, then I do pity you. Well… coming to my own story, we entered the shop. The foot-wears we liked were not on sale and those which were on sale were just too good to be purchased at that price. We wasted another twenty minutes of our aimless lives and then boarded metro to our respective homes.

You will say, why I shared this on the blog. Well, are you upto reasoning? Please get out..!!images

 

Facts You Can Laugh Upon…

4 May
So… it’s the first Sunday of May, 2014… World Laughter Day… and this brought a smile on your face.. right??
Now, I am not just letting you go with a shiny smile up there, just sit back and enjoy the useless humour for which you come around on this blog.
Presenting some interestingly humorous facts about men and women… I hope you find then funny (and even if you don’t… what are the odds… Laugh Out Loud… Its World Laughter Day 😛 )

Facts About Women:
• A woman after visiting her girlfriend for weeks can return home, call the same friend and talk for three hours (yes… it happens… plus… when somebody would ask “What were you talking about” The girl would be like.. “Nothing.. just random things”)

• Women going out with girlfriends order for a large pizza, coke, garlic bread(anything left??) as opposed to the act they put up that they eat too little, when men are around.

• When a woman answers, “I’m fine, ” either she is not fine or she is not gonna be fine in a few seconds.

• Women love to talk and talk, and then talk some more and then talk about what the other person listened to, and if you are not ready for that after- talks round of questions… you are either dead or… ya you are mostly dead. women

• Women love a bargain, even if they don’t need the item. So, if they see a purse that is almost exactly like one they already have, but it has been marked down 75%, they are going to most likely buy it because women think they saved money on it!!

• Women know more than they lead on. They don’t want to show up by knowing more about politics than you do, so they “play dumb”, just to give you the satisfaction when women are really thinking about how dumb men really are on the subject!!

• Women are extremely extrovert but they would hide things that are concerned with their age, weight, feelings, and qualities.

• Women are bad at keeping secrets, and on top of that, they will not consider it untrustworthy when they only tell two or three people about it. P.S. : they are bad at hiding others’ secrets, not their owns’

• Women tend to ask questions that cannot be objectively answered or cannot be answered at all, and if you do answer they won’t agree, they will have their own logic and after an hour or so, they will say, “You know we wasted our time, the question was just not worth it” and the interesting part, if you are a male you will feel guilty.

• Women check out their reflections on any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, and even their own shadows, but their favorite? Car’s rear view mirror, especially if it’s not their car.

• A handbag is an essential accessory for a woman and if she doesn’t carry it, she feels extremely awkward. One more thing, most of the girl keep their cell phone in their hands, all the time, even if they have pockets in the trouser.

• Women like looking at men, just as much as men like looking at women. They just know how to hide it better!

• Women have a hard time admitting when they are wrong. This means that a woman hardly ever apologizes and thinks that it’s a man’s duty to apologize.

• A woman speaks about 7,000 words a day; a man speaks about 2,000.

Facts about Men
• If a man says “I’ll call you,” and if he doesn’t, he did not forget, he did not lose your number, he didn’t run out of balance,he did not die, he just did not want to call you.

• Don’t try to teach men how to do anything in public. they can learn in private; in public they have to just know!

• Men who are married tend to have a longer life expectancy than those who are single. But they are the ones who are more willing to die ( 😉 ).

• Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.men

• Women don’t make fools of men, most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

• Give a guy a hanging message, something vague like “You know what?!..uh…never mind!” and he is sure to force you to take a choice between either tell me or kill yourself and if you don’t tell him he would come to a conclusion which is far from what you were thinking.

• Most men hate to shop. That’s why the men’s department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

• Men have a strong passion to change but do not have a will power that strong.

• Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyche!

• For men, the most complicated words to hear are, “I don’t think it’s working, We need to talk about our relationship”, and the most confusing one, “You are not the same person I loved, you have changed”

• If a man prepares dinner for you and it is nicely presented, beware.. he is serious.

And Finally a quote by (see it yourself :P) :

(wo)men

So, after the truly insignificant and unworthy discussion that happened above, I again wish you a very Happy Laughter Day…
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